hebihana: Don’t ever sneeze whilst you pee. NEVER. EVER. I did, and now it hurts whenever I pee. I think I tore my pee-hole. WTF :’(
An Open Letter to Smoothie King.
Dear Smoothie King, Thank you for your coupon that you graciously left on my windshield. I had been in between jobs and sleeping on a friend’s couch for a week, as well as parking in her apartment complex’s lot (illegally) for the entire week. On the the day I was moving out, I had 8$ to my name (a dollar more than a smoothie from Smoothie King). I walked out to my car and...
We’re moving into the house on Friday and we’re getting the...– This was in an email I sent to my Dad. I feel kind of guilty that even when sending an email to my Dad, my mind reverts to the mentality of being a smart ass on Facebook.
Black Is A Stallion: Last Night I Kind of Lost My... →
It’s the late show on a Saturday night in Columbus, Ohio. I’m halfway through my set and I mention Barack Obama. Some scattered boos. Which is normal. Somebody always hates the president, no matter who that president might be. In this case, the president is Obama and I am a fan, so I always ask…
This is so bad ass. →
How I spent my Labor Day weekend, supposedly
My Labor Day started like my standard Monday; hung over, naked, covered in blood in a neighbor’s rock garden, and still a little drunk. What made this different was that it was human blood and not horse blood (after so many weekends, you learn to taste the difference). I decided the best course of action would be to get home before the police arrived, take a shower, and to see how much of my...
Excerpts from my Autobiography (repost)
I’ve had an enjoyable twenty two years of life, and in my tenure I’ve experienced quite a lot. It seems selfish to keep my exploits to myself, so I’ve written an autobiography. “An Autobiography? About whom?” you ask, unfamiliar with the term. “…myself” I reply insecurely, hidden behind my monitor screen, oblivious to your undying praise. The...
The best part about living in a city with such diversity is seeing Asian and Black Hipsters.