Is it wrong to add “Found all 120 stars in Mario 64 in one sitting” to my resume? I feel it’s a good one to add.
I have a kitten in my lap. I paused my itunes to talk to my roommate and the kitten quickly reached his paw out and hit the spacebar, unpausing the song. When I paused it again, he did the same thing again.
I just went into the backyard in my underwear and t-shirt to put some scraps in my compost pile. I hear laughing, so I turn to see the neighbors on their porch with friends Barbecuing. I wave. They ask if I want to come over and have a burger.
My neighborhood is awesome. Minus the whole crime thing that is.
The reason why I used hand towels over loofahs while washing my body is that I’m afraid someone may have broken into the house while I was away and replaced my loofah with a near identical sea creature. I wouldn’t know the difference until its poisonous barbs entered my skin.
Our motion detector lights came on just now revealing a stray Beagle in our yard. She walked up onto our porch and sniffed around our porch for a while before disappearing. There are a lot of stray dogs in our neighborhood. Shortly after she left, what I assume she was looking for appeared. A moderately sized opossum crawled out of my compost pile, chewing on an egg shell.
It’s been sitting on our porch for about a half hour now. I feel bad, it looks so sad out in the cold. I’d throw it some food, but if I opened the doors or windows, the alarm would go off.
Possums are native to Australia. Opossums are what we have in America. They’re different animals.
Pull in the driveway, “Ruby Soho” comes on the radio. Well, guess I better circle the block a few times.
Every day I spend at work from this point on is another millennia spent in the after life repenting for losing my integrity.